My husband and I were thrilled when we found out we were pregnant. At my first sonogram at 18 weeks, I almost fell off the table when the technician told me she saw two babies in there. All I could do was laugh. Again, my husband I were thrilled - shocked but thrilled. At 38 weeks on August 28th 2001, our identical twin boys were born. The doctors said everything was great - Ben weighed 5 pounds 14 ounces and Max weighed 5 pounds 11 ounces. My husband and I went to the recovery room feeling ecstatic that everything had gone so well.

About four hours later, the neonatologist came in and said that Max was having some problems but she didn't know what they were just yet. The whole pregnancy had gone so well that I just couldn't believe that anything was really wrong. After what seemed like an eternity, the pediatric cardiologist came in around 3:00 am and told us the diagnosis - Max had pulmonary atresia with ventricular septal defects (VSDs). I was still 'out-of-it' from the c-section and I drifted in and out of consciousness as she drew a picture of the heart on a napkin.

A day-and-a-half later, Max was sent to the children's hospital where he had a central shunt inserted between the aorta and the pulmonary arteries. As a speech pathologist I was used to being in a hospital working with adults. But, I was still the kind of parent they had talked to us about in graduate school - the staff at the hospital explained and educated us on many things but I didn't seem to hear them. . Thank goodness for all of the informative pamphlets they gave us so that when I was ready, I could learn about Max's heart. The surgery and recovery went well and after two weeks Max came home with a pulse oximeter, oxygen and an NG-tube.

Skipping forward a few months, Max developed some feeding and reflux problems. Again I felt that it was so ironic that as a speech therapist with a specialization in adult feeding problems, I was unable to help my son as well as I would have liked. Again, the solution to Max's problems was surgery. So, on February 4th, Max had an operation to put in a G-tube and perform a fundoplication to stop his reflux. He is recuperating well and we are working with an occupational therapist to get him eating again.

I have gone through the gamut of emotions. For the first few months I think that I was in shock. I was scared of hurting Max and felt guilty when I played with Ben. I went through my pregnancy in my mind a million times - reviewing any medicines I had taken or foods that I probably shouldn't have eaten. Meanwhile, I couldn't understand why everyone else seemed to be accepting things well except for me.

Then I began to really see Max - not as a baby with a heart problem but as my happy son who is always smiling. I think about how he has brought our tight-knit family even closer together. And now I feel thankful for having been blessed with two wonderful sons, a husband, extended family and friends. Each day my mission becomes clearer - whether to be a better mother, friend, speech pathologist or volunteer. Max and Ben continue to grow and explore their new worlds each day.

In about a year, Max will have his repair operation where they will close up his VSD, remove the shunt and put in a homograft. Then when he is around 10 years old, he will need another surgery to replace the graft. I am working hard to appreciate each day with my wonderful family. Max has really put everything in perspective for us.