The Fine Line
Please note that the
following represent each family's individual experiences
and beliefs. Every family is different, and the needs and
feelings of the children involved will be unique. We
encourage you to seek professional advice if you have
concerns or questions with regard to these issues. Responses
to Family Room topic:
|
I have a 15 year old daughter with severe CHD. I can really
understand what you are saying. My daughter was my
second child, it is very hard to treat them the same. We
did spoil my daughter right from the start. After 15 years she
is really spoiled. I never thought that I was doing anything
really different, just being more attentive, trying not to let
her cry for hours (which she was really good at). I would
correct her tantrums, and tried not to let her get away with
everything.
But I also do not give her a lot of chores, and I am
probably more sensitive if she wants a day off from school. We
call her "the queen" sometimes because she thinks
she is the only one that really matters. Don't get me wrong,
she is very sensitive and a great child, but definitely
spoiled.
If I had a chance to change this, I probably would not.
We did what we could to raise her, they are different.
Everytime she has to go through a procedure or is having a new
complication, my heart melts and I would give her the world.
I would not worry about spoiling your son, treat both of
your kids as equally as possible, if you are spoiling the one,
then spoil the other, don't ever forget you have two kids.
Raise them as normally as you can, and remember
"spoiling" is just another word for love. As
long as the kids are not allowed to hurt or abuse other
children or people, teach them respect, and give them a lot of
love, you can't go wrong. Good Luck.
K.
|
| My son is 22 months and had a complete repair of Tetralogy
of Fallot when he was 4 days old. I completely understand where you are
coming from, and until a couple of months ago, we were in the same boat.
My husband and I thought that Sebastian had been through enough the first
weeks of his life for him to cry for anything but sleeping started to
become a big problem. At first he got sick with a cold and bringing him to
our bed was the only way he would sleep through the night. That was
the first mistake.
I soon went back to work and my hours were long, so I did not have the
energy to sit with him when he had 2-4 night wakings. So migration into
mommy's room started when he was 15 mos. and would have continued if I had
not talked to his pediatrician about the sleep problem. The dr's advice
was to do a bedtime routine and firmly say goodnight and shut the door
until the next morning. We had tried a couple of times to let Sebastian
cry for a little and he would always work himself up and he would vomit
after 1-2 minutes of crying. I knew I could not do this to him but as the
months went by it got harder and harder. Finally I started to wean him by
going into his room and sleeping on the floor so that he would sleep on
his own. Well, this was going on for 1 1/2 months and Sebastian would
still wake up at least 2-3 times a night. I realized that not only was he
becoming spoiled he was testing us. So I had to bite my finger (which is
constanly black and blue) and let him cry - it was the hardest thing I had
to do but realized it needed to be done. It took 4 days and by the 5th day
Sebastian was sleeping through the night and I realized it was just hard
on us but he was really ok. Now he has bronchiolitis and is back sleeping
with me, but at least I know that he can do it on his own, and when he
gets better, its back to training.
S.R. |
| In
my experience of ten years with a child possessing many (14) CHDs, I
found that there doesn't need to be a limit on how long the child cries. I
was told by our cardiologists that the child will simply pass out if he
doesn't receive enough air. That in turn will stop the crying and the
child will not be harmed simply by crying. My child's heart is strong, it
is simply missing important parts and the parts are mislocated. Check with
you doctor.
B.
|
|
We too were quite confused as to how long we should let Abigail cry.
Frustrated as we were, we finally talked to our cardiologist, who gave us
a decent time limit. Time, that is the one commodity that we all
have plenty of, yet too little of at the same time. It is hard to
let them figure things out for themselves, but in the long run, only
benefits. Abby is just now learning patience because she has a baby
sister. good luck, and I do think that you will get "over
it".
C.H.
|
|
I am so pleased to find somebody out there who is going through the same
thoughts and feelings as I an. I have a little girl who is two years old
and who's heart function has just started to improve. I have always done
everything to stop her from crying so I did not have to watch her become
blue. On the whole, Hope is a well behaved child, although she is starting
to realize that she can manipulate me by turning on the tears, but I would
rather her be here manipulating me than not be here at all.
L.W.
|
|
Having a six yr old I so agree with you. I worried so much when he
was first born. As time goes on it does get easier, but we must
stand our ground and raise these children to have respect and manners.
I try not to let my son's heart defect rule our lives. Thanks for taking
the time to share your story.
D.
|
Click here to read more responses to this
topic
Return to Family Room home page
|
