The Fine Line
Please note that the
following represent each family's individual experiences
and beliefs. Every family is different, and the needs and
feelings of the children involved will be unique. We
encourage you to seek professional advice if you have
concerns or questions with regard to these issues. Responses
to Family Room topic:
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I understand your problem. I have a 6 month old with
HRHS who refuses to sleep in his crib and cries every time I
put him in there when he's tired. With a child with a
healthy heart, I would maybe try letting him "cry it
out" but there's no way I'd even think of trying that
with him.
He also still wakes up 4-5 times a night and if I'm not
right there he gets very upset! He's my first child and
it's been very challenging, but he's more than worth it!
A.
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| We have gone through the same experience with our daughter,
who had the arterial switch operation, VSD repair, and pacemaker insertion
at 2 week of life. After 3 months at home we got reassuarance from
our doctors that it was quite all right to let her cry for a period of
time. We would let her cry in increments of 15 minutes every night
until she learned to comfort herself without having us around. It
was hard for us at the beginning.
Now she is a happy 22 month old who knows crying doesn't always get
everything she wants.
S.K.M. |
| I know the feeling. My mom would let Ethan cry but not as
long as she did for us older kids. As far as spoiling him, I don't
think that could ever happen. Everyone keeps telling us to treat Ethan
like we treated our other children.
Don't treat him any differently. Trust your gut. Remember you are the
mom and you know what is going on with your child. Yes, we still worry,
but we are giving him his space and we are letting him grow up, but
we still protect him more than the other children.
K.A. |
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My beautiful little girl, who is now 30 months old,
was born with a univentricular heart, total heart block, TGA, etc., so i
know the anxiety that you feel as well as the dilemma that you face. I too
have older children, and I was quite strict with them, practiced
controlled crying, and taught them the best way to behave. Little Hetty
wails and I run, trips and I scoop her up. My rules and parenting style
are so different. Interestingly, whereas the tantrums of the older
children took some overcoming (time out, withholding of a treat, etc) the
delicate treatment means that simply putting her in her room with the door
open results in a corrected behavior.
I try and explain why it is different to the other
two and they are always accepting, only Hetty gets more chocolate than
them as she needs a high calorie diet to gain weight.
That urge to protect against the un-protectable is so
strong, yet really the ultimate question for me that leaves me at rest is
that there is no real difference in how they behave as children, so why
change. Besides, none of them remember how I treated them as infants and
toddlers, their conscience is in the here and today.
The guilt is only in the mind of the parent.
J.T. |
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I also have never let my daughter Corinne [pulmonary atresia] cry. She is
now 2 years old and definitely knows right from wrong. Distraction is key
and we keep her busy, but she is very well behaved so far and it beats
seeing her struggle for breath!
S.R. |
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I can relate! After my son, Patrick had his second surgery to
correct his CHD (aortic atresia), one of my first questions to the nurse
and doctor was "is he allowed to cry?" They told me yes,
but I still cannot let him go beyond 10 minutes. He is 19 mos old
and I fear that I am spoiling him too. But then I think of how lucky
we are to still have him and know that as he gets older we will be able to
help him get what he needs and understand his uniqueness! Hope this
helps!
C. |
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I am finding myself facing the same problem. We have a 16 month old
daughter (she is our 4th child) who I also do not like to let cry.
Recently she has been waking up during the middle of the night crying, and
crying hard! I tend to pick her up and then she will not go back down in
her crib. So I have started the habit of bringing her into bed w/ my
husband & I. My husband loves her, but he does not want me to always
give into her crying, but I don't want to let her cry too long because of
her heart. She goes back down to sleep during the night for my husband,
but she knows I am a push over and will not stop crying until I take her
to bed with me. I am fearful that we may spoil her too, giving into every
little cry. What else can a parent do?
K. |
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